I feel like my heart is breaking.

It has taken me a while to figure out that I can’t brute force this relationship (or any) to work. I can’t will it to work. It takes two to tango.

Someone advised me last night to just stop saying “I love you” to my husband since each time he doesn’t respond, it stabs the knife in a little deeper. Consciously making the choice to not say anything at all hurts too. I keep wondering when this will get easier or if it ever will. I keep trying to figure out a way to make it work. I can’t.

I waited so long to get married. I turned down three other people!! I wanted to make sure it was right, because I never wanted it to end. In reality, I think this marriage ended before it began.

I keep trying to figure out what is wrong with me? Everyone leaves in my life. Why am I such a terrible person that no one stays?

When will this lump in my chest go away? Will there ever be a time I am not on the verge of tears? How long will this anguish continue? Will I ever find love again?