My spirituality in a nutshell

I have long shied away from organized religion. I feel most comfortable describing my beliefs as being more spiritual than religious. Cliche, I know, but that’s me, nonetheless.

I believe that we are all one human family and it is up to each of us to honor the piece of God that is within ourselves and each other. Does this mean that I don’t get mad at people or have a bad attitude every now and then? Hell, no! I am not perfect, but I strive to progress to being a better a person every single day.

Feeling helpless

I have a good friend who has been down on her luck for quite some time, actually years… I have tried to help her out as much as I can. She has basically been homeless for several months now. She is currently staying with some of her friends who are staying in a house one of their friends owns, but one that is due to be demolished as soon as they find somewhere else to go. Anyway, my friend is getting kicked out for crazy reasons and she has absolutely nowhere else to go.

Love, not fear

A decade ago, I read the first installment of Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch. My first impression was rejoicing that I was not crazy. My spiritual beliefs were validated and I could not put the book down or refrain from excitedly calling close friends or family to discuss what I was reading. I had no idea where my long held spiritual beliefs came from, I only knew them to be true for me. The book put them in black and white and made me realize that I was not alone.

One of the things that CWG emphasizes is the importance of walking in love and not fear. Fear and love are opposites. You may think that hate is the antithesis of love, but in reality, hate is derived from fear. That’s a powerful concept when you think about it.

I love him. I love him not.

Sometimes I wonder if my thoughts of leaving my husband are an attempt to sabotage myself, because somewhere deep inside of me, I’m not sure I’m worth it. I don’t know, but in an effort to break the cycle of my past, I feel compelled to figure it out.

I love my husband very much, but I’m not sure that I’m in love with him. Sometimes I watch these sappy love stories (you know, the Nicholas Sparks type) and I realize how cheated I feel in my relationship. I didn’t have a real wedding. We went to the courthouse and got married. It seemed like the thing to do after living together for four years. I was headed into my last semester of college and we were a one income family. We are blessed that my husband makes pretty good money, but there are still times when finances are tight. We didn’t have thousands of dollars at the time to plunk down on a wedding, so we decided to get married the cheap and easy way. I feel disappointed every single time I look at the box containing what should have been my wedding dress. I bought it on sale from David’s Bridal for less than $100 and I didn’t settle. It is exactly what I wanted. I also feel disappointed, because I bought my engagement and wedding rings for myself. My husband didn’t spend hours trying to determine what I would like and figuring out the best way to propose to me. It just kind of happened. Mother’s Day is right around the corner and I know that if I don’t buy myself something, there won’t be anything, so I caught a deal on a diamond necklace I really love and I bought it for myself. I will still be disappointed, but at least I will have something. When I’m out at a restaurant or at the movies or whatever, I see these couples that are obviously so in love and I wish my relationship was that way. I am lucky if my husband takes me out to dinner even once a month and then its usually to the same restaurant for the same thing, then its back home for more video games for him.