I just want to shut down.

Last night, my husband and I had a long conversation about our relationship. He thinks that the damage is irreparable and that we can’t fix it. I kind of think he’s right. We each blame the other, but above all, he blames me for going to college and creating a divergent life path. He’s unwilling to change his life path for me. I can understand that.

Breathing right now is my only focus. One breath at a time. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. My mind is a clusterfuck of fear, insecurity, and pain.

I can’t eat. I want to retreat to sleep. I cried myself to sleep last night and I woke up crying.

We also closed on our first home together yesterday. It should have been one of the happiest days of my life, but it turned out to be one of the worst.

People always tell me that I am the strongest person they have ever known, or at least one of the strongest. And something tells me I will get through this, but right now, I have to find the strength to just breathe. I am devastated. I knew my marriage was over, but it is one thing to know and another to have your partner confirm it.

Now, I’m faced with the stress of moving along with this crap. I feel so overwhelmed I want to vomit.